“If you could remember everything as a baby, would it change the way you parent?” I heard this a while ago and it’s a thought that’s lived rent free in my head ever since. It’s a shame I can’t remember where I heard it, it could’ve been from when I was a baby, because I have follow up questions. Like, are we talking memories from when the light of the exit blinded us? The human race wouldn’t exist if we could recall the trauma of that special moment with our mothers.
Thankfully long term memory starts kicking in at approximately three years old. Anything before then gets filled in by family and their friends, and if you’re lucky photos and videos. But it’s an interesting question, what would you change if you remembered being a baby?
If you could remember being a baby you’d be more confident becoming a parent. You would remember what to expect and what your parents did for better or worse. My mum told me that as a toddler, I would put myself to bed when I was tired. That certainly isn’t happening with my children. You shouldn’t, but you could compare your baby against baby you. Knowing you can dunk on your child because you walked before them is exciting.
My eldest son is a picky eater. So much so that we have taken him to experts to help us help him to try more foods. We did mealtimes the way our parents did. The feedback was that way was stressing our kid out. With their guidance, we changed our language and the way we presented food and we have seen improvements. So our memory and experience wasn’t helpful.
How our communities expect us to raise children changes. For example, my parents used to leave me in the car all the time. These days you’d come back to a smashed window, and police ready to chat with a phone book dated from when it was acceptable. Research into tragedies like SIDS improve the outcomes from generation to generation. Not all of your memories would be beneficial other than the basics and not wanting to use cloth nappies. (Then when your child becomes a parent and remembers the amount of non-biodegradable nappies you used)
Also the economics of children change. Households today rely on dual incomes and childcare is available for babies from six weeks of age. We were lucky to have good parental leave and didn’t need it that early. But knowing your baby would remember when you left them in childcare would be hard for parents to reconcile.
In a way, my kids will not have to remember being a baby. They have a record of my parenting through the remnants of my comedy. And conveniently no other art form ages as poorly as comedy. So I’m sure they will have lots to talk about to their therapist in the future. They will also have a pile of prior-reading to send beforehand.
Would you change anything? What would you want to remember from being a baby?
Russell Hartup 