We had survived nearly 40 hours of flying international without any trouble. But on the approach to land in Adelaide we got a glimpse of the hierarchical structure of the airline industry. All it took was for my child to vomit all over the floor in front of his seat with no one to help us.
The flight had been bearable; overnight flights promised me to be able to watch an HBO show without the fear of my child being psychologically scared. All it cost was a child passing out too early, so I had to carry them, and an over-tired child refusing to sleep. When they were awake the strategy was to fill them with snacks and dopamine until we got off the plane. We were so close.
The child in question was playing Angry Birds on the inflight entertainment, the flight went wobbly on the approach into Adelaide, and 2 minutes upon touchdown with the Tea Tree Plaza right below us, the contents of his stomach vaulted from their confines onto the floor in front of their seat. Then the smell joined the circulated air.
I pressed the ‘call’ (or ‘flight servant’ depending on your class), but we were actively landing and the attendants were strapped in. We were on our own. Using the blanket, I mopped up what I could and left it on top. Kind of looked like an angry vomit volcano.
The plane landed and we waited in our seats for someone to come so we could apologise and explain what happened. No one came, so we packed up our stuff and headed for the door. All the flight attendants were standing at the door, so I gave them the news as we walked out.
Me: Hi, my son vomited on the floor in front of his seat when we were landing
Attendant: Oh no I hope he feels better, thank you for telling us, good bye
Me: Do you want to know where?’
Attendant: Ground crew will find it
I was home. I don’t know if she was born in Australia or grew up in Australia or even lived in Australia since it was an Asian air carrier, but that answer was Australian, “Mate, that’s not my problem”. I could almost hear her accent break down and morph into that nasal-leaf-blower tone of down under.
(If one were to describe the Australian accent it would be, “I use my nose when I talk so flies don’t get in”. (But if one were to refer to themself as ‘one’ in an Australian accent, other Australian accents would call one an ‘f’ word))
She may as well pointed to herself and said “air stewardess not ground stewardess”. I was impressed, in awe, and happy to be home. If she signed off with “not my circus, not my monkeys”, or “I’m not here to fuck spiders”, I would’ve bought her a beer.
2026 Adelaide Fringe
Holy smokes it’s 2026 and the Adelaide Fringe is quickly approaching! It’s no secret that I love the Fringe. As a comedian in Adelaide it’s the best way to challenge myself as an artist, to grow and to perform. But it’s not easy, so this year I will be teaming up with a comedian I know you will love.
I am pleased to announce I will be part of a split bill show with an exciting up and comer on the Adelaide comedy scene, Kent Micheal, in Kent Michael and Russell Hartup Tell Jokes. I’m really excited to be working with Kent, he brings silly energy to a stage. He’s the kind of dad you want to hangout with at school pickup. You can find him on Instagram at @kentmichaelcomedy.
Each night we will have a special guest to drop in and do a spot; young people so we can live off their youth.
Gig Report
I got to host my favourite Open Mic room in Adelaide, Laugh Lab, before the calendar change. It was a blast. I love hosting open mic because you never know what kind of night you will get. If you are looking for cheap thrills on a Monday night, do head to Rhino and check it out.
Upcoming Gigs
FRINGE BABY! If you are up for some Russell branded giggles (please note the only proper noun there), then but tickets to our show below:
Keep an eye on the socials as spots get added. I’ve got some new stuff that I need to find out if they are jokes or just sentences.
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